Skull Screw Up: A Halloween Helper's Cozy Mystery Read online

  "Lavender is being taken care of," Norhand said. "But this isn't a social call. I'm here with the clue. Do you want it now or not?"

  "Of course we do," Vinnie said. "But it would've been nice to get it after we solved the first one. We actually had a few days of downtime when we could have worked on this. Instead, we have to solve it while also working on a case."

  "It's almost like you're doing that on purpose," Diggy said, her eyes narrowing at Norhand.

  Norhand glared back at Diggy for a moment before he turned to face Vinnie. He was such an unpleasant looking man and Vinnie was pretty sure that the only thing that kept him from being stinky was the fact that he could use magic to suppress the smell. He looked like he only bathed once a month.

  Vinnie took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She needed to remember that being unkind wouldn't get her anywhere, no matter how satisfying it may be to call this little rat man names. She needed him in order to get Lavender back and to make sure they could hold onto their positions as Halloween Helpers. Norhand was here to stay, at least until Halloween.

  "Okay, what is the clue?" Vinnie asked. "And before you leave, I'd also like it in writing."

  Norhand rolled his eyes with a big sigh. He was almost worse than a teenager. With a wave of his hand, a piece of parchment appeared floating in the air before their eyes.

  "If you insist," Norhand said. Then he recited the clue.

  Now that you can brew the potion so well

  You have no need to stop and yell.

  This is something that you cannot sell

  Or you will be put through a living h....

  "Hey, language!" Vinnie yelled, cutting off the end of Norhand's puzzle. "We don't use those sorts of words in this house."

  "Aunt Vinnie, you used that word yesterday when you tried to mop the stairs but you ended up dropping an entire bucket of water down them instead," Diggy pointed out.

  She was right, but Vinnie still wasn't happy about it. She sat back down in her chair, folding her arms across her chest. These clues that Norhand gave were terrible and totally unhelpful. There was nothing in there that was useful.

  "You know, it would be nice if your clues were a bit more helpful," Vinnie said. "It's bad enough that you time them so perfectly to match up with when we are most busy with a case, but making them so vague is just downright awful."

  Diggy nodded, frowning at Norhand who seemed more amused by their anger than anything else. He snapped his fingers and two more lines of text appeared on the parchment. He read them out loud.

  Once you have someone with which you are fond,

  This object will help so the three of you can bond.

  "Is that good enough?" he asked, answering his own question before the witches could. "Good, because that's all you're getting."

  He snapped his fingers and the bolt of lightning struck inside the kitchen once more, making the skeezy man disappear as the thunderstorm and all of it's rain rolled away to wherever Norhand had come from.

  "Does any of that make sense to you?" Vinnie asked.

  As a non-magical witch, she had little to no knowledge about the different tools witches used. She had no idea what it was supposed to be, but at least they knew it was some sort of object and it probably had to do with their family. Otherwise, Norhand was an awful poet who should have just made a treasure map for them to follow or some sort of scavenger hunt.

  "It doesn't make sense right now, but I feel like it will soon," Diggy said. Her eyebrows were knit together as she kept scanning her eyes over the lines of rhyming poetry on the parchment. "Does that make sense? Like if I think about it enough, I think I can get it. I am just too tired right now to try and make sense of this childish poetry."

  Vinnie snorted. Childish poetry indeed. It was like the sort of thing a child wrote when they first learned about poetry. She herself had gone through a poetry phase of her life and she had started out writing this exact type of rhyming nonsense. At the time, she had thought she was rather clever to make sure all of the words rhymed, but now she could see how the mental gymnastics of making everything fit with the rhyming words was clunky at best.

  "I don't think we need to put much thought into it tonight," Vinnie said. "I think we need to head to bed."

  As she had done every night since Lavender had been taken away, Vinnie accompanied Diggy to her bedroom door. She kissed the teenager on the forehead and wrapped her in a tight hug. Instead of pulling away immediately, Diggy let her have a full-on, loving hug instead of the squeeze and pull-away that she normally did. Vinnie took that as a sign that Diggy was missing her mother as much as Vinnie was.

  "You actually have to go to bed though," Vinnie said. "We need to be up bright and early to go interrogate vampires."

  Diggy smiled and waved her hands in the air. Two cups of hot, steaming tea appeared between the witches. It smelled like it was chamomile.

  "Here you go," Diggy said. "This will help us sleep since our last cups were so rudely interrupted."

  Vinnie smiled and wrapped her hands around the warm mug. Diggy took hers into her bedroom and closed the door. Once it was shut, Vinnie climbed down the tower stairs and walked to her bedroom where the magical fire was still roaring in her fireplace.

  Slipping into her nightgown, she left the tea on her nightstand until her floral flannel gown was on and Vinnie was securely in place in her bed beneath a pile of warm, heavy, homemade quilts. Then she drank down the tea, faster than usual, and was off to dreamland, reciting the childish poem in her head as sleep overcame her.

  Chapter Seven

  Francine was the first person to cross into the library, where Diggy and Vinnie had set up a sort of interrogation room. Dragging two wing chairs into the middle of the room, they situated a coffee table between the comfortable chairs and an old wooden chair that they had managed to find in a closet of the library. Vinnie wasn't sure if the old "make the suspect uncomfortable" thing worked, but it was worth a shot.

  The vampire was once again dressed to the nines, looking like a movie star from the Old Hollywood era. Her tight gown was emerald green and was cut into a deep, plunging v-neck that was covered by an elaborate necklace of diamonds. Vinnie added a question to her list about how the vampires made their money. Either they were excellent businesspeople or they were excellent crooks. Vinnie wasn't sure which one was the truth yet.

  "Thank you for being the first to be questioned this morning Francine," Vinnie said. She tried to start out the interviews as professional as possible even though both she and her niece were dying to ask the more asinine questions.

  "No thank you," Francine said. "I want to find out who killed my Bramy just as much as everyone else. He was the love of my life."

  "Really?" Diggy asked. "Because you seemed pretty upset with him yesterday when you accused him of hiding the skull."

  "I was upset and I still am upset," Francine said. "I'm still pretty sure that Bram did hide that skull but then he called you guys to help cover up that he did it. Now he's dead and we are still missing the skull. Right? The skull is actually still missing?"

  "Yes, it is," Vinnie said. "Why is it so important anyways?"

  "Because it helps us stay young and immortal," Francine said. "But Bram had very specific ideas for how often the skull should be used and that it should only be used in a group setting. Most of us thought he was totally silly about it, but there wasn't much we could do because he was the leader."

  "And you were his girlfriend," Vinnie said. "Why couldn't you convince him?"

  "Because the only thing Bram loved more than me was the fact that he was the leader," Francine said. "And the only thing I loved more than him was being young and beautiful forever."

  An awkward silence filled the air, but Francine didn't seem to notice. She was lounged on the little wooden chair in a way that seemed completely uncomfortable, but it made her look like a model in a fashion magazine. Vinnie got the impression that she practiced things like that.

  "W
e'd like to ask you about something we found in the ceremony room yesterday," Vinnie said.

  She pulled out the little plastic bag with the earring in it and set it on the table between them. Francine's eyes immediately lit up. A smile spread across her face and her fangs glinted.

  "My earring!" she exclaimed, grabbing the bag. "I've been looking for this. Where in the world did you find it?"

  "Next to your boyfriend's dead body," Vinnie said.

  The slight bit of happiness in the room faded away as the realization of what Vinnie was implying settled in on Francine's face. Francine stood up and walked to the table, tears streaming down her face and with them, her mascara. She put her hands on the coffee table and leaned forward. Vinnie felt like she was in one of those dinner theaters where the actors walked around and interacted with the audience to make them part of the show. Those were probably a bit more comfortable than this situation though.

  "And now you want me to take the fall for it," Francine said through blubbers. "It wasn't me. My earring fell out yesterday, but I noticed it missing when you made us all come hole up in this stupid fake library. Here's the matching one right here."

  Francine pushed her hair back, showing them the earring that matched in one of her ears. Then she showed them the empty place on her other ear where the other one should have been. It was her earring, but what was it doing in the ceremony room?

  "It just seems like an awful big coincidence," Vinnie finally said.

  Black tears were dripping off of Francine's jawline and onto the table where they formed little black puddles. Vinnie had always thought of vampires as being cool, calm and collected but Francine was a different sort of vampire. A glance at Diggy's horrified face told Vinnie that her niece was also not sure of this unexpected show.

  "Let's just back up a little more and talk about yesterday," Vinnie said, hoping that Francine would calm down a little. It was fine to have emotions, but this looked more like she was putting on a show for them. "Why don't you sit back down."

  Francine settled herself back onto the wooden chair, arranging herself just so. Now was one of those times where Vinnie wondered if Francine had been like this when she was a mortal or if there was something about becoming a vampire that had changed her into the dramatic actress she seemed to be today.

  "Maybe you should tell us about what you did yesterday before we showed up," Diggy suggested, passing Francine a box of tissues that she had poofed out of thin air.

  Francine dried her eyes and took a deep breath before launching into her story, dramatic hand gestures and all.

  "Yesterday started as any other day starts for me," Francine said. "Well it was a little different because usually we are up at night instead of during the day, but in this house we can really do either because we are protected from the sun. But we had to be up during the day because Bram insisted we needed to figure out where the skull had gone. He said we had people coming to help but that we needed to look for it first. So we were all forced to take a nap during the night to be up during the day."

  Bram really did have a lot of control over the vampires if he could make a bunch of adults take a nap. It felt odd and unnecessary to Vinnie, but what did she know? She needed to ask someone about Bram's role as leader, but Francine didn't seem like the right person to ask.

  "Anyway, we looked around a little, but then you two showed up and we had to look all over again," Francine said. "You must not be very good at your jobs because we still haven't found the skull."

  Diggy rolled her eyes at the vampire. Vinnie felt like doing the same, but as a grown woman she just couldn't let herself stoop to that level.

  "But what about your threat to Bram?" Vinnie asked.

  "What threat?" Francine asked innocently.

  "You said that you were going to make Bram show you where the skull was because you claimed he had hidden it," Vinnie said.

  "That wasn't meant to be a threat," Francine said with a nervous giggle. "I just really wanted the skull. I thought maybe I could use my feminine wiles against him and he would crack."

  "Well maybe you tried that, but he didn't crack and then you killed him," Vinnie suggested.

  A look of horror washed over Francine's face as she became even more pale than normal. She sat up a bit straighter in her chair and clutched the arms of it as if she were afraid she might fall off.

  "How dare you think I would desecrate the sanctity of the ceremony room by trying to seduce my boyfriend in there," Francine said. "You don't know what you're talking about."

  "Well someone desecrated it when they killed him in there," Diggy said almost under her breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

  "You're right and the two of you need to find out who did it," Francine said. "I hope you are questioning more than just me."

  "Yes we are and actually, you may leave now," Vinnie said.

  Francine froze as she considered whether this was some sort of test. She stood up and walked halfway to the door before turning to look at the witches. But when Vinnie and Diggy made no attempt to go after her, she flounced her way out of the library.

  "What a drama queen," Diggy said. "Why did you let her go?"

  "That's not very nice," Vinnie said. "But I do think that life must be much harder when everything becomes a production. I let her go because she can't leave this house anyway and there was no use in making her stay here while we went round and round with questioning. Come on, I need a chance to stretch my legs after that performance. Let's go to the ceremony room again and have a look around."

  As they stood up, Vinnie thought over what Francine had said. Vinnie couldn't quite tell if she was guilty or if she was just so dramatic that it came out sounding that way. They had found her earring at the scene of the crime. But it wasn't enough. They needed more before they could be sure that Francine was the murderer.

  Chapter Eight

  Exploring the ceremony room this time was much, much easier than the last time because Vinnie and Diggy had packed camping lanterns. They were the type that were super bright and shone out in all directions. They took three of them and lined the back wall with them and Vinnie carried the fourth lantern to use anywhere else they might need it.

  The ceremony room was just as they'd left it. Bram's body was bathed in the lights at the front. The table with the artifacts was still moved back with the two remaining artifacts on it. The rest of the room was squeaky clean and utterly bare.

  Vinnie wished she knew what they did in this room. She didn't know if it would answer any of her questions, but it would help her understand them a little better. The artifacts didn't make much sense and so far all Vinnie knew was that Francine said the skull was used to make them younger.

  "May I be of assistance?"

  The booming voice made Vinnie jump from where she was crouched down next to Bram's body. Diggy managed to stay upright, but made a scared little squeak as she pivoted around. Vinnie tried to turn in the direction of the door, but she was so startled that she ended up falling over instead. Rolling to one side, she finally managed to face the doorway to see who had interrupted her.

  Tucker stood in the doorway smiling at her, somehow managing to look dashing in his very plain outfit of jeans and a polo shirt. Being a vampire seemed to mean that it was ten times easier to look good, although that didn't explain Francine and her over the top extravagance.

  "Yes, actually," Vinnie said, blushing as she got up off of the floor. "I'd like to know more about your artifacts and the ceremonies they are used for."

  Tucker's smile froze on his face for a moment, his fangs naturally a part of his otherwise perfect smile. He looked just like his brother Bram and it was a bit unnerving to be talking to someone who was almost identical to the corpse at the other end of the room.

  "I suppose I can tell you about it," Tucker said. "Bram would have killed me, but he's dead now, so he can't stop me. I do trust that you will keep it in full confidence."

  "Of course, that is part of our
job," Vinnie said.

  "As a group, we have four artifacts," Tucker said. "The skull, which is for eternal youth and immortality, the moon, which we now use to allow us to be functional day or night, the wooden heart, which gives us compassion, and the wooden stake, which gives us a small amount of vulnerability and reminds us that we are not invincible."

  "Most of those seem pretty useless except for the skull," Diggy said.

  "Diggy!" Vinnie hissed.

  Vinnie was mortified by her niece sometimes and this was one of those times. Diggy shrugged at her, unwilling to feel bad about telling the truth. Thankfully, Tucker just threw his head back and laughed.

  "Now you see why there was so much contention about the skull," Tucker said. "Everyone liked that one."

  "But what was the contention about exactly?" Vinnie asked.

  "Bram had strict rules that we were only allowed to use the skull once a month and then we were only allowed to use it during our full group ceremony," Tucker said. "Other people wanted to use it weekly or in Francine's case, daily."

  "Does it work any better depending on how often you use it?" Vinnie asked. "And how exactly do you use it?"

  "Personally, I don't think it works any better if you use it more," Tucker said. "My brother and I didn't get along, but I agree with him about the once a month thing. And there is a specific ceremony you perform, which means that each vampire takes a turn to hold the skull and chant the words."

  "And then what happens?" Diggy asked. She was hanging on every word the handsome man said, although Vinnie was pretty sure it had more to do with his paranormal status than his looks.

  "And then it feels like life is flowing into you from all directions," Tucker said. "It feels like all of a sudden, you have all of the energy you had when you were a young child, except now you are an adult. It makes it so that you don't have to nap to get the energy your body needs. It is amazing."

  It sounded amazing to Vinnie, who could definitely use more energy all of the time. She was at the point in her life where extra energy would be much appreciated. Sometimes she got tired just walking up the stairs.